Your face is a jimmy john
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
