Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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