i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Can I color on your dick again?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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