Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize