maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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