spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
