i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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