Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
