Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Someone stole a lamp last night.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
