The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
