I'm lost and stupid without you.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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