Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
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The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
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Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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