so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
