ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
