What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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