Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
