living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Randomize
