Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
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