I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
