You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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