She's JV to your varsity
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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