If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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