You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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