She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i think we sleep fucked last night...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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