Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
