yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
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he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
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We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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