Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
third nipple confirmed
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My ass is underappreciated
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
