remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
