I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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