If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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