You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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