my sisters under your porch take her home
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
