The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize