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this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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