she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
high people should be assigned attendants
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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