I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
