I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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