Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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