I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
ttyl tear gas
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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