How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
