I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
