we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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