Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
