God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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