We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
