Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
