Just fell off a train. Bad.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
