I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He passed out mid-signature
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
