You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
In America we eat man semen.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
