She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
