You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize