You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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