she woke up with a sticky ear
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
