I have demons in me.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
