Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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