as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
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