i don't want you to think of me as your TA
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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