So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
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im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
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Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize